Off Topic: Loss of Identity
This is more of a rant I suppose. I thought about adding links to psychological studies and whatever but really.. who cares.
Today I wondered to myself: When did I lose my identity?! You see I play Gears of War with my clan. I also play it a lot more with my BF than anyone else. Typically, if I’m on then we are playing together. However for the last week or so we haven’t been playing together. The game stopped being fun to him so I continued on my solo way. I began getting invites from his friends in the clan and I really enjoyed playing with them. That is.. until I was constantly asked where Fox was. (BF’s gamer tag is Gray Fox) What’s Fox doing? Is Fox going to hop on? Ask Fox when he’s going to play?
Forgive me, but I assumed that when you were inviting MY gamer tag to play you actually wanted to play with ME. Weird assumption eh? I soon realized I was only being invited to either get Fox on or to find out when he was going to be on. To make it worse my spot next in line to play was taken by other players that logged on after myself. I’ve gotten so fed up I don’t believe I will play with them anymore.
I feel as though I lost my identity. I no longer was Kirei Fu. I was Fox’s GF. I was Fox’s secretary. They didn’t want to play with me, they wanted to get to Fox. Not only does that honestly hurt my feelings, but I began to wonder just when did I lose my name? Was it my own doing?
Yes, yes I believe it was. I allowed it to happen. Every time I went to fetch Fox for them. Every time I handed over the mic so Fox could talk to them for a minute. Every time I relayed something back and forth. I set up the pattern. It was my own fault.
Fox plays WoW as well. I mention him often as Kosycus my partner in crime. His brother used to “borrow” his character to help level up his own. He used it so much that when Fox would actually log on he was greeted as his brother. Nothing frustrated him so much as that. He lost his character identity. He wasn’t his own person. Finally after quite a few weeks of being greeted as his brother he snapped and made the announcement in guild and on vent I believe, “Kosycus is MY character, NOT my brothers. I let him borrow my account, but Kos has and always will be MINE.” No one called him his brother again.
It may seem silly when reading, but I truly believe that everyone that plays an online game can relate. What if all the people began looking at you as a different person than you are?
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Off Topic: About Kirei ~ Personal
Although I partially agree that there is always multiple sources of fault, I'd be cautious about saying it's all yours. I think many people are ignorant about that sort of thing and until it happens to them, won't understand how cruddy it makes the person feel. Readers, I ask you this, "How would it feel if your friends started calling you on your phone, leaving you text messages, or even coming to your door just to ask you if your friend or family member was there?" It may seem harmless once, but when you start being known as 'The Messenger' instead of an actual person...it gets to you.
It really helps prevent people from seeing his name as being my identity because they have the constant reminder that it's Kae.
As for being the messenger... ugh, I'd hate that. Time to find a new group of people to play with, I guess?
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